I am sure that when Jesus Christ talked about the dangers of seeing the log in the eye of another, as opposed to a big one in one’s eye, he did not have former president, Bakili Muluzi’s mimicker, Frank Naligonje in mind.
Oh, yes, Frank Naligonje— the so-called Atcheya.
The idea to mimic Atcheya, him of the infamous Third Term bid, must have come as one of those passing moments in Naligonje’s life, or so I think.
After that idea crossed his mind, I am sure Naligonje must have practiced in his bedroom. I mean, those moments when a speech takes the form of a soliloquy— one individual locked in his small room which, in this particular case, serves as a well-lit stage while mosquitoes, with their irritating whining, serve as the audience.
Naligonje must have looked up, while locked in that small room, and said:
“Ladies and gentlemen…” The imaginary people, represented by the mosquitoes in Naligonje’s bedroom, must have stopped whining and, instead of biting him for a pint of blood the Anopheles mosquito survives on, leaned forward, hungry to hear whatever Naligonje had to say that night or day.
‘Now it will be said, now we will hear the thing we long for. Maybe Naligonje will declare that he will no longer crush us [mosquitoes] when we bite his legs’!
It is not me; it’s mosquitoes thinking. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!.
Remember, each Ha! represents the 12 tribes of Israel.
Enough of these imaginary things about what might have happened the day [night?] Naligonje discovered that he could imitate the United Democratic Front chairperson. After all, how on earth would one live on someone else’s voice?
Is there any difference between presidential mimickers and mosquitoes? They all survive on things [voice, blood] that do not belong to them. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!.
Wonders shall never end.
Time for reality now. Achikulire Che Paul Banda recently had work to do in Blantyre. Naligonje, in his usual high spirits, happened to be one of the people who were billed to perform there— which simply means he was engaged to mimic Atcheya, who must have been busy tending to his gwapes at BCA Hill.
Does that sound familiar? Atcheya loves gwape meat, and Professor Comic Relief has it on good authority.
Now, as Paul Banda was waiting outside the hall, apparently waiting for his turn, Naligonje came into the picture.
He immediately asked for a picture. He wanted to pose with Paul Banda.
Let us hope he does not start mimicking Achikulire Che Paul Banda anytime soon. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
It was in the course of his chatting with Achikulire that a log, as big as a yellow bun, entered Naligonje’s right eye.
But, perhaps because of over-excitement at meeting Paul and posing for a picture with him, Naligonje did not observe that a log as big as a yellow bun had lodged in his eye.
It took Paul to say: ‘Hey, maybe I am imagining things but there is something in your right eye!”
Naligonje did not hesitate but submit to Achikulire, who took time to get the log out of Naligonje’s eye.
I said, what joy is this, that makes one overlook a log as big as a yellow bun? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
When some people meet their heroes, that is bound to happen.
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