It is hard to look at the face of gospel musician Frank Chimpanzi without appreciating his high levels of humility.
The fragrance of religion and humility is strong in his character that, given a chance, one would take him as the easy prey in a group of Henry Masitala and Ichocho Suwedi. Oh, yes, the body-builders! Masitala and Ichocho are as vocal as their biceps are strong.
The many times I have seen him on the piano, he looks robustly hospitable and openly welcoming. Whatever that means!
He has the scars of Christian piety in his stature. It must be an ancient force of belief in the liberating powers of Jesus Christ that make him look so much at peace that one would think he has no time to attend to earthly troubles!
I know, of course, that what I am saying could be far from the truth because the Christian journey is, of course, haunted by little troubles such as irritation with the devil— whatever he [or she?] looks like. It is these battles that make a lady or gentleman shout “Get out Satan! Or, I am bigger than the Indian Ocean” during lunch hour service!
The battle with the devil, imaginary or not, makes us do all sorts of things and shout all sorts of incomprehensible things! Like this one time in the thick of the night. My neighbour – need I say female neighbour— suffered the inconvenience of spending the night alone after her husband had gone to the village. Now, this is a woman who smells of piety; one who think of herself as more religious than others. This is a woman whose destination should, surely, be the Holy of Holies!
Think not of how she beats up her kids. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! [Lest I forget the children of Israel, who are represented by each ‘ha’! here].
In the middle of a silent, not to mention that word ‘innocent’, night, an owl happened to hoot. Bed sheet! Upon hearing the sound, the woman thought of nothing but prayer. “Kagwere uko iwe Satana. Munthu oyipa. Sunditha! Ukulira chiyani mu mtengomo? Galu wachabechabe kadzidzi iwe! [Useless owl. You are too young to disturb me. Dog!]”.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! That must have been fear. Did the owl listen to the woman? I do not know.
But, worry not, this is not the point. It just highlights the extent to which the most religious people go to show how Godly they are.
Not with Chimpanzi.
Chimpanzi, who made that first journey into music when he was asked to back Rudo Mkukupha Chakwera up at Mount Soche Hotel in Blantyre, decided to deal with the devil and messengers of the devil his own way. Not shouting in the middle of the night not; shouting at nothing but a simple owl, for that matter.
The former student of South Lunzu Primary and Malosa Secondary School has the liberty to tell us what it is he invested in. It is something that is part of his day.
“The first thing I do [when he wakes up, definitely] is to talk to God. Then I get into exercises. I am into karate but I do it for no other reason than to keep fit, not to beat people up!”
There you are. The guy is a karateka.
Get me right, the man— who speaks Zulu and Tswana languages, probably because he spent time on stage with Joyous Celebrations during his visit to South Africa— is into karate not to beat people up.
He probably intends to teach the devil, whatever he looks like, a lesson.
Imagine Chimpanzi inspecting his maize garden and then, boom!, He encounters the devil wearing a red overall. The next sound you will, surely, hear is Huwa! Huwa! Hiiiii! Hooo!
Chimpanzi then aims for the devil’s neck, but the devil, having descendants from all walks of life, ducks and Chimpanzi falls to the ground.
He quickly rises up and aims a blow at the devil’s lips, displacing two of the devil’s teeth in the process.
Huwa! Huwa! Hiiiii! Hooo!
That’s the Chimpanzi we never knew.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Huwa! Huwa! Hiiiii! Hooo!
Better Huwa! Huwa! Hiiiii! Hooo! Than “Kagwere uko iwe Satana. Munthu oyipa. Sunditha! Ukulira chiyani mu mtengomo? Galu wachabechabe kadzidzi iwe!”
Chimpanzi the karateka
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