By Mankhokwe Namusanya:<\/p>\n
Those days, when the Pentecostal movement was just gaining notoriety, there was a pastor in Blantyre. It was a time of calling them apostles, so she was an Apostle-something.<\/p>\n
Once, realising that the number of unmarried women among her flock was increasing, she invited them to a special service. It was coming after three days of fasting and prayer. Like that one the Biblical Esther did.<\/p>\n
At the service, she prayed with them and told them that soon (there was no specification of the actual period), they would find a life partner. Then marry. And have kids. All their life problems \u2013 because it was assumed their life problems started and ended with being unmarried \u2013 would come to an end.<\/p>\n
As a mark of faith, she told them to speak life into their wishes. They needed to live their dreams.<\/p>\n
She instructed them to buy a suit for the man they wanted to marry. For their wedding day.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuy that suit, keep it with you, and every day before you go to sleep, look at it and say to it that \u2018my man is coming and this is the suit he will wear for our wedding\u2019 and thereafter pray over your declaration. Do this daily,\u201d<\/em> she told them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The one who told me the story, a less reliable witness, said there was a raiding of good shops in Blantyre. In a week, men who had actual weddings were struggling to get a suit. A few weddings were postponed because the groom could not get a suit.<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly suits of your height pint-sized could be found, because these women really had a choice when it came to the height of their ideal men,\u201d<\/em> my source said, with no generosity.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The other source that corroborated the story added a new bit of info: one woman who, after those prayers, got to meet a man whom she liked and would perfectly fit in the suit \u2013 and other clothes she bought him long before they met \u2013 actually lost the man. One day, in a feel-home moment at the woman\u2019s place, he came across the clothes and the suit in a wardrobe. He was a snob \u2013 or an agent of the devil meant to test the woman\u2019s faith \u2013 so he did not ask but just jumped to the conclusion: there was another man. He walked away.<\/p>\n
When I tell this to the person sitting opposite me, he laughs. Says my other source had a penchant for making up stories. That it sounds fictitious.<\/p>\n
I agree with him but say, not in a disagreeing tone, that sometimes reality is actually stranger than fiction. And, then, I quip:<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes that summarise your life?\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
He shakes his head. Says \u2018not really\u2019. He does not see the connection.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, you know, if these women had those suits and I walked up to them with all the intentions of getting to marry them, they would turn me down because I would not fit in those suits.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cIf you say it like that, then it makes sense.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cSo, this is your story?\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
He says yes. Not as in directly just saying \u2018yes\u2019 then walking away declaring that the conversation is over. He just starts talking.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor me, it has not been physical qualities. It has been behaviour.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I say that he should not just dwell on my story. It was just an analogy. It might actually be fake news. A false story.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I get that. In context, it makes more sense. I think that is what I have been looking for. Like I have set expectations and I expect the person coming in to fit in those expectations and qualities.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is not necessarily a bad thing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cYes, and at first I used to think like that too. It was more less like asserting my value. I am able to define boundaries. But now I am realising that human relationships are not built on that. One has to make compromises.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
He goes into stories. Tells of the relationships he had and how they collapsed. One thing stands out: the partners did not fit his ideal image.<\/p>\n
The other was loud, talkative and pushy. She was a charmer. And romantic. But \u201cshe lacked that modesty of a woman.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
One had that \u2018modesty thing\u2019 yet was not a charmer.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo surprises, just plain routine. I walked out.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
And there were others who fell along the way over one small misunderstanding. A little confrontation. A forgotten request. A dishonesty to do with when they would meet with him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are not perfect, are you?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cI am not. Nobody is.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cBut, somehow, you keep looking for a perfect person?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I just look for a person who will meet the qualities that I look for. They might be imperfect but they should possess those qualities.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cYou are looking for one to wear that suit you already bought?\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
He laughs.<\/p>\n
I say it is not a laughing matter.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is like you have a skeleton, a shape. And you want someone to come with flesh to append to that skeleton to make it a full human.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cYou make it sound like a bad thing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cI think it is, you need to compromise on some things. I mean, you should have boundaries. Limits. But also you should have things you can compromise on. Or, unless, you want to be some God and make your own person.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Mankhokwe Namusanya: Those days, when the Pentecostal movement was just gaining notoriety, there was a pastor in Blantyre. It was a time of calling them apostles, so she was an Apostle-something. Once, realising that the number of unmarried women among her flock was increasing, she invited them to a special service. It was coming […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":73066,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-77274","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77274","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=77274"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77274\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":77276,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77274\/revisions\/77276"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/73066"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=77274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=77274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=77274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}