Today is women\u2019s day of wagging tongues and straight talk. I have \u2018smuggled\u2019 myself into an all women den called Bridal Shower, somewhere within the low density areas of the commercial city of Blantyre.<\/p>\n
You wonder how? Well, one of the organisers of this function was my \u2018prospective\u2019 and she is the type that wants my company always \u2013 maybe it\u2019s just that disease of cosmetic affection that goes with new lovers.<\/p>\n
Of course, she is a crafty lady who convinced her organiser-friends that I am one of the best at manning public address systems alongside turn-tables, adding to my reputation an accolade of a \u2018super DJ\u2019.<\/p>\n
That sugar-coated talk has really earned me a rare occasion of having a feel of what ladies do behind the closed gates in the guise of bridal showers. Really, I am getting showered big time, but let me be honest that the ladies have fast surpassed the talk I always have when hanging out with my usual loquacious friends.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know what, we can talk and talk of pleasing husbands and the lovers some of us cohabitate with, but it is all a vain talk. Most of these men don\u2019t know how to appreciate the good services we women provide them. Ngofoyira amuna amenewa <\/em>(they are crazy),\u201d says one fully-grown lady, donning clothes that dominates in very bright colours.<\/p>\n The venue engages a gear of active talk and men bashing. About five other ladies chronicle how they have always sacrificed their hard earned money from business errands to buy pleasure from their husbands but the men spend their nights elsewhere.<\/p>\n \u201cWe come here, we share ideas to bring these men closer home but what do we get? We only get less affection and larger gaps from our spouses. It is sad, one day we should go on strike so that they know how we feel,\u201d says a young lady, light in complexion, who is being addressed as \u2018Aunt Shamida\u2019.<\/p>\n Aunt Shamida has the support of some elderly ladies. One of them says she has been married for thirty years but the husband continues to behave the \u2018useless way\u2019 he was conducting himself in the early years of marriage.<\/p>\n \u201cJust imagine, he still comes home in the early hours and pesters me to wake up and prepare food for him. He has been doing this all these years and he is not maturing in his conduct despite having grey hair all-over,\u201d she says, wiping tears.<\/p>\n \u201cMukufuna kunena kuti simuwasungila nsima madalawo <\/em>(do you want to say you don\u2019t keep food for him so that he eats when he comes \u2018late\u2019)? Asks a younger lady sitting closer to her.<\/p>\n \u201cNo my daughter, that is not the case. I usually make sure I cook his favourite dishes and always keep the food warm in best food warmers. However, when he comes he wakes me up and demands that I cook fresh food, saying he does not eat left-over\u2019s. Worse still, my daughters, let me be honest with you that my husband demands that I hold the plates in my hands while sitting down on the floor for the entire period he is eating \u2013 and, mind you, this is sometimes around 4 AM,\u201d says the \u2018old\u2019 lady.<\/p>\n \u201cMama, why don\u2019t you report that husband of yours to the rights activists? That is the worst form of violence against women!\u201d exclaims another younger lady stressing she is a lawyer and can assist.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat? You mean I should cause suffering to my husband through your so called activists? No, no! This man has fathered all of my ten children; eight of them have graduated from various universities. I love him despite all this, and by the way culturally you are supposed to suffer in silence in marriage set up,\u201d says the \u2018old\u2019 lady, however igniting rebuke from most of those present.<\/p>\n And this other cute young and slim lady laments how her lover has always abused resources from her business by embezzling money to enjoy with school girls. She says: \u201cJust imagine that this boy does not work or do any business yet he is the man about town. He drives my cars all over, enjoying with these school kids, using my money.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd why not dump him?\u201d asks another of the women.<\/p>\n \u201cKodi simudziwa kuti amuna akusowa <\/em>(don\u2019t you know men are scarce these days)?\u201d shoots back the lady.<\/p>\n But five other ladies propose a way forward to punish and expose \u2018useless and \u2018wreck less\u2019 men.<\/p>\n One of them says: \u201cLet\u2019s follow the example of this other newspaper that assesses and rates the country\u2019s president, vice and cabinet. We should each do an assessment of our husbands or lovers and buy space in newspapers and expose them \u2013 obviously some of them would be rated \u201cToo useless for a husband or lover, after getting 0 \u2013 4 points!\u201d<\/p>\n A 10- minute noisy applause follows that suggestion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Today is women\u2019s day of wagging tongues and straight talk. I have \u2018smuggled\u2019 myself into an all women den called Bridal Shower, somewhere within the low density areas of the commercial city of Blantyre. You wonder how? Well, one of the organisers of this function was my \u2018prospective\u2019 and she is the type that wants […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":21781,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-66490","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66490","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=66490"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66490\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":66492,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66490\/revisions\/66492"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21781"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=66490"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=66490"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.times.mw\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=66490"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}